The Duke of Fancy

Well, my dear arachnid, maybe if I didn’t catch you...

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 11:38:53 -0500

Well, my dear arachnid, maybe if I didn’t catch you traipsing about my home like a squatter, I wouldn’t have had to make the assassination attempt.

Good day.

Dear Good Sir, Thank you for demonstrating why you should have...

Tue, 10 Jan 2012 10:09:31 -0500

Dear Good Sir,

Thank you for demonstrating why you should have been given the lead role in the Nutcracker.

Upon further review, it has come to my attention that you need to work on your stage presence; facial expressions can conjure a variety of different reactions from your audience.

Try smiling next time; that face makes it look like you split your gooch.

Sincerely,

Yours Truly,

Lord Baron Monocle

Photo

Sat, 17 Dec 2011 22:00:54 -0500

Taekwondo Finger Performance

Fri, 16 Dec 2011 23:14:41 -0500

Taekwondo Finger Performance:

Yes

Dear Johnny Depp, is this what you look like without the make...

Thu, 15 Dec 2011 22:14:46 -0500

Dear Johnny Depp, is this what you look like without the make up?

Sincerely, Yours Truly, Lord Baron Monocle

Meet Lord Baron Fluffykins, III. He is my cat and my best...

Thu, 15 Dec 2011 08:18:49 -0500

Meet Lord Baron Fluffykins, III. He is my cat and my best friend.

Fight the dog breed ban policy forming in NC

Mon, 05 Dec 2011 23:12:59 -0500

Fight the dog breed ban policy forming in NC:

wilwheaton:

This is reblogged from Neil Gaiman. I can’t do a native reblog because it was a question post, so I’m reformatting it here to make it easier for all of us to spread this around and effect a change:

www[.]change[.]org/petitions/dr-jeannette-m-council-drop-the-72-hour-kill-proposal north…

Random Things: 5 Reasons Why Skyrim is Better than Real Life

Tue, 29 Nov 2011 23:11:59 -0500

Random Things: 5 Reasons Why Skyrim is Better than Real Life:

nikkilynnh86:

Quests: Questing is one of my favorite things to do… While doing quests, you can discover new places, loot items, and harvest alchemy ingredients. By completing quests for Jarls, you could even gain status in cities as a thane. People respect you. People in real life are mean and miserable and…

What a delightfully hilarious chap.

Tue, 29 Nov 2011 21:42:50 -0500

What a delightfully hilarious chap.

Lady Sylvia Vonschmidt believes she’s an artist…...

Tue, 15 Nov 2011 22:46:47 -0500

Lady Sylvia Vonschmidt believes she’s an artist… This is a terrible rendition of me! Hmpf.

scoff I am appalled. How dare you, sir or madam, shame the...

Thu, 10 Nov 2011 13:08:23 -0500

scoff I am appalled. How dare you, sir or madam, shame the monocle in this hideous fashion. George Bush does not deserve to wear a monocle. Only the elite of fanciness deserve a monocle, not an American “hillbilly.” Sincerely, The Offended, Lord Baron Monocle

Reader mail! This photograph comes from Ms. Chef from...

Thu, 10 Nov 2011 12:48:25 -0500

Reader mail!

This photograph comes from Ms. Chef from Indiana.

“Lord Monacle, Can you please give us your professional critique ?”

Good Day, Madam. I have received your inquiry for an opinion on the provided photograph. Back in my day, this type of behavior was considered an abomination. reflects silently

Anyway, adjusts monocle, my heavens. There’s more to this photograph than I had initially anticipated. The man. The doll. The mustache. And a string tied to the metal headboard? The man looks too content for this to be a cry for help from loneliness. Perhaps this man just wants to share his personal contentment with the world? The world needs a little more cheer, it’s just odd that he couldn’t find this with another human. But I digress, and tip my hat to this fine gentlemen for finding joy in a sad, odd, lonely, life.

Sincerely, Yours Truly, Lord Baron Monocle, The Duke of Fancy

Well, good woman, it is physically possible to do both. However,...

Wed, 09 Nov 2011 16:17:51 -0500

Well, good woman, it is physically possible to do both. However, if you plan on eating like a swine from a trough, then I guess this is not possible.

Sincerely, Truly Yours, Lord Baron Monocle

Reader Mail! Timothy from New Mexico sent me a photo voya...

Wed, 09 Nov 2011 13:10:52 -0500

Reader Mail!

Timothy from New Mexico sent me a photo voya electronic mail today:

“Lord Baron Monocle, What do you make of this? Sincerely, Timothy from Albuquerque, NM.”

Dear Timothy, Good day, good sir. I have received your request for my opinion on the provided photograph. After reviewing the image, I have come to the conclusion that if the one holding the bag could tour out together, we may have found a solution to Earth’s over population concern.

Sincerely, Yours Truly, Lord Baron Monocle

My heavens, more reader mail. adjusts monocle This photo comes...

Wed, 09 Nov 2011 12:03:26 -0500

My heavens, more reader mail. adjusts monocle This photo comes from Holly in Pennsylvania… Another Pennsylvania resident! Either Holly knows Melissa or Pennsylvania gets me. Holly found this photo on pinterest.com and I felt that it needed to be shared with you lovely readers.

Dear Sir Ian McKellen,

You are a delight.

Sincerely, Yours Truly, With Love, English Kisses, Lord Baron Monocle

Dear Good Sir, It appears as though your face has begun to...

Wed, 09 Nov 2011 11:46:07 -0500

Dear Good Sir,

It appears as though your face has begun to liquefy. Perhaps a visit to a specialist and a few injections of onabotulinumtoxinA will correct this. Just a suggestion.

Sincerely, Yours Truly, Lord Baron Monocle

My first reader email. adjusts monocle “Lord Baron...

Tue, 08 Nov 2011 20:32:50 -0500

My first reader email. adjusts monocle

“Lord Baron Monocle, please help me to decipher this picture! What do you make of it?” - Melissa from Pennsylvania

Well, good woman, this man is more than just a mere homeless man trudging through summer heat. I do believe this bold man is a fashion connoisseur on the cusp of a new trend. Ready your wallets, my dear readers, 2012 may be the year of the leotard.

Sincerely, Yours Truly, Lord Baron Monocle

Dear good sir in the dashing honey bee bed clothes, I feel...

Tue, 08 Nov 2011 20:00:15 -0500

Dear good sir in the dashing honey bee bed clothes,

I feel obligated to inform you that there is a corpse in your bed.

Sincerely, Truly Yours, Lord Baron Monocle

Good day to you, good reader, and welcome to my electronic...

Tue, 08 Nov 2011 19:30:30 -0500

Good day to you, good reader, and welcome to my electronic public journal.

I am Lord Baron Monocle, Son of King Fancypants Monocle and Queen Fluffernutter. Professional Advice-Giver and Jouster. Likes: Polishing his monocle and mocking idiotic people. Dislikes: People that wear socks whilst wearing flip flops.

For advice on whatever ails your poor mind, contact me at LordBaronMonocle@gmail.com

Follow me on Twitter: @DukeofFancy

Sincerely, Truly Yours, Lord Baron Monocle

Dear Child, It has come to my attention that there is a face on...

Tue, 08 Nov 2011 19:25:06 -0500

Dear Child,

It has come to my attention that there is a face on your foot.

Congratulations, you have reached a new level of hideous. I knight thee “Lord Ugliest Baby.”

Sincerely,

Yours Truly,

Lord Baron Monocle, Duke of Fancy